Eight schools.
Eight rejections.
Last August I changed my mind about taking time off after undergraduate and started working in earnest towards graduate school. The first months were spent figuring out what I wanted to devote myself to within bioengineering. Answer: neural tissue engineering. The next months were spent deciding which schools to apply to and completing applications (a nightmare of a task if there ever was one). Answer: UW, UPenn, UPitt, Harvard, Yale, Brown, Georgia Tech, and Carnegie Mellon, plus the National Defense Science and Engineering Fellowship.
Your love endures forever.
On February 6, at 6:14PM, I was accepted to CMU. I was ecstatic- motivated and excited for grad school, confident in the next five years.
Your love endures forever.
In the two months since then, I have been turned down from every single other application I submitted. Eight letters saying Thanks but no thanks. Grad school apps are--apparently--a humbling experience. It has become most apparent that I am not in control of my future. This has been two of the most humbling months at the end of two of the most difficult years of my life, and I'm guessing it's exactly what I need(ed). A time of learning to say Thy will be done, of learning to walk palms up.
Your love endures forever.
Who knows, God still might have something else in mind. I wouldn't be surprised, because I'm (slowly) learning that He is, in fact, both sovereign and good. No matter where I am this fall, not matter what I'm studying or who I'm working with, it can be good. I'm (slowly) learning that when I offer something up to God, invariably it turns out good. Rarely easy, rarely what I wanted, rarely what I expected, but Good.
Your love endures forever.
As Bilbo once said, "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure."
your faith,
ReplyDeleteyour courage,
your honesty are astounding.
grad school applications, for most of us, are a humbling experience.
i was explaining the auditions process to some non-musicians when a father of a good friend of mine, who is a rich businessman, once told me that you might throw a hundred post-its (ideas) to the wall, and it is great if 10 of them stick, but ultimately, only one of those ideas needs to stick. perhaps you are just being nudged in the direction you want to go--or at any rate--will end up going?
i have a long history with rejection; do not hesitate to contact me if you want to discuss anything, and know that you have your family, your friends, and your faith.